i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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