don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
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You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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