either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
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just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
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Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You need Xanax blowdarts
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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