Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize