I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
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