I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
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My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
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I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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