last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize