We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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