Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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