You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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