Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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