According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize