Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
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Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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