literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize