I can tuck mytits in my pants
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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