Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize