I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
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I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
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i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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