return my video game
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize