I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
he was CRYING into my vagina
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
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Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
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Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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