I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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