She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's not a foreskin expert like you
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
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