I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
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