We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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