I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize