Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize