You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize