I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize