EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
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you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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