A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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