He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
it's like heaven, but drunker
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Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
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We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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