Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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