Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize