Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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