I have demons in me.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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