no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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