3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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