I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
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When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
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We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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