At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize