i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
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so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
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Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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