His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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