Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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