Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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