am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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