i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize