he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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