"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
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The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
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We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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