xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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