Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
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Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
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Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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