Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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