talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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