it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
